I KNOW, "WHAT'S NEW!?"
JUST ME BEING OVER-DRAMATIC.
I HAD A FEW MINUTES ON MY OWN AND I FOUND MYSELF WRITING THIS EMBARRASSING NOTE YOU'LL READ DOWN BELOW. I SHOWED IT TO MY PSYCHOLOGIST THE FOLLOWING SESSION JUST BECAUSE THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY FOR ME TO EXPLAIN IN SPOKEN WORDS HOW I HAD BEEN DOING SINCE LAST WE TALKED. MY MAIN CONCERN WAS THAT I CAME OFF LIKE A WHINY MOMMA'S BOY; NONETHELESS, IT STILL RESONATED THROUGH MY WHOLE BEING.
I POSTED IT ALMOST A MONTH AGO. I DIDN'T PROMOTE THE POST BECAUSE I WAS EMBARRASSED AND I EVEN THOUGHT OF TAKING IT DOWN. BUT I THINK IF ANYONE CAN RELATE TO THIS FEELING OF NOTHINGNESS AND POWERLESSNESS, AND CAN COME ABOVE, THEN I'LL KEEP IT PUBLIC AND I'LL BE APPROACHABLE FOR ANYONE THAT MAY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. REMEMBER, YOU MATTER!
Feb. 28th, 2017
At Howlin' Hounds Coffee
I have been seeing a therapist for the past month or so. It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Sometimes we need an extra hand to pull ourselves from the hole we may be in; there is nothing wrong with that. I have given this advice to many people around me, but I hadn't been able to grasp the concept and apply it to my own life. I guess it's easier said than done. Either way, I have been doing okay every session; I had come to come to terms with a few issues I've managed to avoid or take responsibility for even when I wasn't at fault. It is a process though. I know there is more to root out. I can tell because the voices have not stopped calling me names and laughing at me.
"You're a little bitch."
"Pathetic. You need to pay for someone to listen to your whining."
"And you think of yourself being a survivor?"
"Quit playing the victim. It doesn't look well on you."
"Sad. Just sad."
You know, the usual.
That's when you need to be as strong as you possibly can. Hang tight. Do not let go.
The voices have always been there and you've made it this far. They didn't stop you when you were screaming along, trying to drown them out. They won't stop you now. You have slapped Reality on the face over and over with every time you got back up. Don't give up now.
You've stopped running, haven't you noticed? You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. It is time to count your Blessings! You're still breathing. Isn't that what you yearned for? If not, well, that is what you got and it is okay. Take one deep breath, one step at the time, days by the minutes, and go for a walk. Inhale Life. Exhale desperation. It is not over yet.
You say you haven't found Life's purpose yet? Here is the truth to that: To Live.
That's it. Plain and simple. Don't go moping around. Life is about attitude and Hardwork. Don't let others tell you otherwise. You reap what you sow. Sooner or later, remember. Life will catch up, but you need to move forward. Once Life passes you by, it's gone. There is no turning around. No re-dos.
You've heard that infamous, 'You see your life flash before your eyes.' when you're dying. Well, that's what it's happening when you're not living. Life is passing you by, right in front of your eyes, leaving you behind. Is this what you want? Don’t stay there feeling sorry for yourself. Shake it off and (as Momma Ru wisely says) sissy that walk! Remember, in order to live, there are two key factors to keep at heart: to love and to laugh.
Take it from there, dear Adrian.
...Relax. Take it Easy.