Sunday, July 7, 2019

Hi Adrian; it's me, Anxiety.

As many of you may know by now, or not, I have this thing that keeps me from going out and doing my thang as anyone else normally would. It's called anxiety. I spoke to my doctor to help me find a solution as I did not want to rely on alcohol every time I wanted to be social. It is unhealthy and unsafe. Aside obvious said facts, I also wanted to find the root of the problem so I could reword the memory and find a better management skill. 

I am amongst the privileged to have insurance and attend to my mental health so I did.

It is an every day struggle dealing with the voices in my head. Even though I believe I have identified the moment when this all started, it is not an easy task to work it out and poof! it's gone. I wish it was that case.

This being said, please, as a friend, offer your undivided attention to your surroundings. Always be available for your friends. You never know who might need you to just be there. Sometimes that's just what one person needs, someone to be nearby. I know I've been there and I want you to know that I will be here for anyone that needs an ally. Always. Remember, it's okay to NOT be okay. It's okay to ask for help.

Here's a list, as a thank you and recognition to people that stood by my side and could have saved my life without them even realizing it. I don't have words to thank you enough.

In no specific order, except as chronologically as possible:

Jorge Martinez                                         Rusty Kilpatrick
Jose Manuel Ramirez                              Joseph Osborn
Juana Hernandez                                      Kevin Kilpatrick
Jonathan Marin                                        Gloria Rangel
Ivan Hernandez                                        Flor Lopez
Gustavo Garcia                                         Spencer Terry
Ulises Rojas                                             Andrea Cortes
Andres Caamano                                      Joshua Scholes
Veronica Sanchez                                     TJ Henderson
Mandy Corona                                           Jesus Rivera

And of course, my family, my husband, and our dogs.

I am lucky to have a great support system and I want to pay it forward.

[ ...Relax. Take it Easy. ]                                                          

Saturday, June 29, 2019

It's Okay: Be Gay.

Prom 2007:Mitch's Grad Party

  Anyone that knows Andy knows that we can count on her to ALWAYS have a fun time. Her lively spirit and contagious laughter brings you to life, and I am going to miss that. Now calm down, she is still with us --she just moved to California. For this and so much more, I am SO PROUD of her. 



     It's been awhile since last time I have posted, not that anyone cares or keeps tabs, but I am back! And this time is to stick around. That's the plan anyway. Let's take it one day at the time, as I always say. 

Okay, so as I type this, my dear Andy has made it and become an official California resident. You may ask why I am talking about Andy on my first post back to the blog. Well, as I hugged her goodbye (more like a 'I'll see you around') kind of hug, I realized how much I learned from Andy and how proud I am as a gay man, to work hard and always follow your dreams, and how much stronger I can become. I met her, I believe, back in late 2012, as a bank teller and my life has not been the same since. My (back then boyfriend and now) husband was obsessed from that same day he met her when she was waiting with me for him to pick me up. "I'm making sure he doesn't get raped," she told him, as I was standing by myself in the isolated and dark street. Our sense of humor just clicked. I was obsessed too. Life goes on and I tried to hang out as much as I could with her; any excuse I had and I was available, I tried to be there. When I couldn't be there, I felt incomplete and like I failed her. I guess it's true when they say that sometimes to someone you are the whole world; and that's Andy for me. The short time we've known each other, she's come to mean so much to me. And as I hugged her last weekend, I felt like a piece of my heart was torn.

So I'll avoid the tears as I am typing this and smile.

So this is why I am talking about Andy: as I get ready for Pride celebration, I will be thinking of her and how gay she is and how gay I am, and I will have a very gay time. 

Remember, peeps, Life goes on. Stay strong and keep on moving forward.
Think back and find your Andy in your friends. Find the Andy within yourself.


A very gay writer.

White Trash 2019